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I kept finding women who I could cling to, but they were completely wrong for me.
I also had abandonment issues and the need to feel loved and wanted, so I’d stay in these relationships for far too long, and the results would often fuel my addiction even more.
If my addiction showed me anything it was that I suffered from a spiritual malady.
Something that was made very apparent to me is that us addicts are extremely selfish, self-centered and self seeking.
It started to make sense to me that if I wanted to be happy, joyous and free like the Big Book talks about, I can’t be dependent to these types of things.
My happiness can’t be reliant upon whether I’m in a relationship or not because that increases the chances of me getting into another toxic relationship.
We had this void within us that we couldn’t explain, so we’d try to fill it with drugs and alcohol.
All of my loneliness, insecurities and sadness could be suppressed with my abuse of mind-altering substances, but they eventually stopped working.